


past midnight

by prithivas



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/F, Haircuts, Nonbinary Edelgard von Hresvelg, Nonbinary Lysithea von Ordelia, Post-Time Skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:49:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28759110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prithivas/pseuds/prithivas
Summary: “I don’t think that was it,” she shook her head. “They were just… different, overall.”Edelgard turned back around, as Hubert was staring at her. He must’ve heard the entire thing as well, there was no doubt. “Different, you say,” she whispered, and slowly got up from her seat.“Different how, I wonder?”
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/Lysithea von Ordelia
Kudos: 18
Collections: Fire Emblem Trans Winter Exchange 2020





	past midnight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dabblingDilettante](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dabblingDilettante/gifts).



> Written for the Trans Winter Exchange! I hope you like your gift ^^ In this fic, Edelgard and Lysithea both use she and they pronouns. There are discussions of past trauma in relation to their hair, but it's nothing explicit.

It was quarter past midnight when they heard three hesitant knocks on the door.

Edelgard looked up from the reports in front of them, perhaps a bit too fast, and their vision blurred from the sudden movement. On top of it, their back ached from leaning over the table for who knows how long. When even had they sat down to go through the files? T ime was starting to make less sense each day that passed, and Edelgard was not a fan of it.

Somehow, it didn’t occur to them to ask who it was behind the door before they grabbed the handle; and though they weren't really expecting anyone in particular...

“May I come in?”

It was still a shock to see Lysithea, standing in front of them with shoulder-length hair.

* * *

_Lysithea had been absent in the meeting that morning, and no one had seen her around either. Surely, Edelgard wasn’t the only one to notice among the others in the Strike Force, though no one had really brought it up._

_Until, in the dining hall, she heard someone say, “You’re telling me it was Lysithea?”_

_Edelgard stopped chewing on her food. Next to her, a woman from the kitchen staff was sitting at the end of the table, right next to Annette. They weren’t whispering, per se, but it was difficult to hear them; the hall was filled to the brim, after all. She tried paying closer attention to what they were saying._

_“...wasn’t sure at first, but Rabbit Skewers is her favorite meal. It was either Lysithea herself, or they asked someone to grab it for them... Which I find really unlikely.”_

_The woman sighed after a pause. “I only caught a glimpse of their hair; I thought it looked white, but it was hard to see clearly under the hoodie, you get me?” Annette nodded as she took a sip from her soup. “Though I still wouldn’t have guessed it was Lysithea, had it not been for you.”_

_Annette furrowed her eyebrows. “It took me a while to realize - well, I might be wrong, still, but I’m almost certain it was Lysithea. Though there was something about the way they walked… Maybe because of what they were wearing? Ah… I don’t know.”_

_“I don’t think that was it,” she shook her head. “They were just… different, overall.”_

_Edelgard turned back around, as Hubert was staring at her. He must’ve heard the entire thing as well, there was no doubt. “Different, you say,” she whispered, and slowly got up from her seat._

_“Different how, I wonder?”_

* * *

It was half past midnight when Edelgard asked, “Would you like a cup of tea?”

“No need,” was Lysithea’s answer, as they sat down on the chair Edelgard was previously occupying. “I won’t be staying long, anyway.”

She didn’t bother offering anything else after that, and instead sat on her bed, facing Lysithea. They were in their night clothes, though seeing them like this wasn’t the most unusual; however, it was impossible for them to take their eyes away from the short hair.

The ends were uneven, meaning the job was done unprofessionally; likely by Lysithea themselves, knowing no one had seen them the entire day. Had it taken that long to do it, or was there another reason they hadn’t left their room?

“I apologize,” they started, “for not attending today’s meeting. Rest assured that this will be the last time, and I will be attending all of the upcoming meetings.”

Edelgard almost let out a sigh, but held herself back. “You are not required to have perfect attendance, Lysithea. As long as you’re not neglecting your duties, there is no need to apologize for missing a single meeting.” Lysithea opened her mouth, but Edelgard continued before she could say anything. “Besides, you haven’t missed anything trivial, as you were already aware of the surprise attack. Isn’t that right?”

“Oh,” Lysithea blinked, averting her eyes. They must’ve not expected that. “That is… good to hear. Thank you.”

Edelgard smiled at her. “If that’s all-”

“I actually wanted to ask about that, as well.”

Another pause, though much shorter. “Ask about the surprise attack?” They nodded. “Our initial plan was to inform a select number of people about it in advance to hear their thoughts on it, before we were absolutely set on changing the previous plan. You were amongst them.”

They hummed. “And I assume you’ve decided to go with it?”

“Precisely. We will carry it out at the end of the month, just as we’ve said.”

A smile found its place on Lysithea’s face. “I see.”

Looking at Lysithea like this, Edelgard could understand what the woman meant.

They were too afraid to bring it up, and yet, they felt obliged to; and so Edelgard said, “Your hair looks great,” trying their best to sound casual. It was an innocent compliment, which people paid each other quite often.

Lysithea’s expression didn’t give away much, she only stared at them somewhat blankly. “That… Please do not get me wrong, but that sounded extremely weird.”

Edelgard couldn’t help but chuckle at that, and they felt much more relaxed. “It was just as weird to say it, trust me.” As Lysithea chuckled, they briefly turned their attention to the door, then back to them. “Would you… like to talk about it?”

At that point, they were certain Lysithea must’ve understood their concern, and their curiosity. “Sure. Do you mind if I stay a little longer?”

“Not at all.”

* * *

_Apparently, a few people had tried to see Lysithea; but she’d refused to open the door to anyone. Whoever it was that came to her room had received the same answer; ‘I’m doing alright, so do not worry about me.’_

_“Considering her track record, this doesn’t make the situation any less concerning,” Edelgard had thought out loud while they were at the library with Hubert. Lysithea was prone to refuse any kind of help, whether they needed it or not. “Although I’d like to believe it, I’m still…”_

_Hubert sighed as he fixed the collar of his cape. “I think that taking their word is our only option, given how they are acting.”_

_Edelgard nodded. “I’m certain that if there’s a problem, it is unlikely for it to be physical.”_

_“Do you have any guesses on what the cause of the problem, whatever it is, might be?_

_(Although it had already been two days since then, the words kept echoing in her head: “I want a world where people like you and I are no longer victimized.” She hadn’t talked to Lysithea at all after that conversation, had barely even seen her around._

_Could that really have been the reason?)_

_With a sigh, she said, “I have my worries, but that is all.”_

* * *

It was well past midnight when Lysithea started talking about her day and else.

“Unsurprisingly, I was extremely nervous,” they explained, with their eyes glued to the ground. “It was something I’ve been thinking of doing since… well, forever. Though the reason behind it always kept changing.”

Edelgard was listening to every word carefully. “How come?”

“When it first happened,” she said, voice barely above a whisper, “I just couldn’t stand seeing it. The color, the texture, how dead it felt and looked - I couldn’t bring myself to look into the mirror and see myself. Ever since then, it has felt like the image of my own self had been… shattered. As if my identity was ripped away from me, before I could even develop one.

“Then, when I started attending Garreg Mach, it was the way people perceived me. Up until that point, the only people I’ve really interacted with were my parents and tutors. Coming here, five years ago… Whether it was the hair’s fault or not, I didn’t care; I just didn’t enjoy feeling so out of place, so _weird._ It was like all my peers had things figured out, and I was still lost, trying to find myself. All I could do was act like everything was under control.”

Edelgard took a deep breath, trying to imagine those days again. It was crazy to think how much time had passed since then. “How interesting…”

“Is it, really?” Lysithea raised her eyebrows; she didn’t look mad, just confused.

“That’s how I felt too, to a degree,” they explained. “After having little to no contact with anyone my age except Hubert, it was hard to really find my place in Garreg Mach. I wasn’t used to so many people _knowing_ me, trying to talk to me… And the version of me people had inside their heads, I could tell _that_ person was nothing like me.”

A pause. “Though when I saw you for the first time…”

Lysithea cocked her head with a sigh. “Were you scared?”

“To say the least. I believe _horrified_ would be a better fit.”

“I could imagine... It didn’t occur to me for a long time, even after the time we’ve spent together. How naive I must’ve been.” They shook their head, and looked down at their feet. “I guess it doesn’t matter, now; I know that you understand.”

She smiled at them, once again.

“Now that we’re in the middle of the war,” they continued, “I decided to live with no regrets, and be my truest self… whoever that is. I want to believe that I've done a great job becoming who I am today, and yet it still doesn't feel like I'm my true self... I would love to get to know who I am at my core.” A chuckle. “This morning, I grabbed a pair of scissors on impulse and cut a small portion, and it felt _euphoric._ Had I been only a _little_ braver, I would've cut it all off when I continued. Though even this much makes me feel like a different person."

Seeing them was really heartwarming, for several different reasons. Not only were they happy for Lysithea for taking such a huge step forward, but they were also inspired.

Edelgard let out a shaky sigh before saying, “You have no idea how brave you truly are. For me, the thought of cutting my hair… As much as it sounds stupid, it feels like it would harm those… who I have lost.”

Lysithea hummed. “Like you would be... betraying them?”

They shook their head. “Not really, no. It’s more like… It feels as if I’m carrying their memories in my hair, as if these strands tie me closer to them. I’ve always taken good care of my hair, as if it would strengthen our bonds, and my memories of them. Although they weigh me down, restrain me like a pair of shackles, I can’t bring myself to get rid of them. It doesn't make sense at all, and yet... I’ve already… lost so much of the past, it’s impossible to remember anything...”

Abruptly, they came to a halt; Edelgard felt like if they continued, they would've burst into tears - and they did not have the energy for that. So there was a brief pause that followed, as they stared into each other's eyes before eventually breaking eye contact. Lysithea looked back down, taking a deep breath. “Is it all that your hair reminds you of the past? Or does it bring all the painful memories too?”

Edelgard stayed silent, knowing that they knew the answer to that.

“...I’m sorry,” Lysithea whispered after a while. “This conversation only keeps getting heavier-”

“Are you happy?”

They stared at each other in silence. Maybe it was just them, but Lysithea looked much more… lighter. Like a big portion of the burden on her shoulders was lifted off. “Yes,” she smiled sweetly, though there was surprise in her eyes. “I’m… really happy.”

In the end, they ended up not leaving the room for a long time, and instead, they both lied together. As they ran their hand in Edelgard’s hair on this lovely night, they looked quite tired, sleepy; yet their eyes were still as bright as the stars high up in the sky. “I haven’t… experienced loss in the way you have, and I wouldn’t understand how it must have felt. Still, I want you to know that I’ll be here if you decide to get rid of your shackles.”

And so they closed their eyes, put their head on Lysithea’s shoulder, and whispered, “Maybe one day, I will consider it.”

It was one o’clock, and Edelgard was feeling at peace for the first time in so long.


End file.
